Sunday, 14 July 2013
Fabric and breakdowns
My room is a mess of fabric samples and sketches. That picture you see up there is like the clean section of my floor right now. You can see the wood underneath, for one 0_0
Don't get me wrong, usually this is my idea of bliss. Alone in my room, headphones plugged in and world plugged out, playing with material, working on designs and sketching them on paper; is my version of the perfect afternoon in.
But when you try and turn your hobby into a career, things get crazay. Allow me to explain better:
Me + Pressure = BREAKDOWN
And breakdowns go a little like this in my head:
"OMG what if nobody likes this one.."
"What if they don't like this colour?!"
"Am I thinking too much?"
"WHERE DO I GET MORE OF THIS FABRIC?!"
"I. HAVE. SO. MUCH. TO. DO."
"This design SUCKS!"
"Oh gosh, why am I working so slowly?"
Because suddenly things are expected of me, and I can't handle the possibility of letting people down. It's one of the things I hate most, just the thought of someone being disappointed in me fills me with dread- trust me, I was the kid who broke down in tears if the teacher so much as looked at her angrily.
So while I'm meant to be in my happy zone right now, it's more like I'm in "constantly criticising myself" zone.
I just hope I can get things perfect soon so I can breathe again!
Peace and love,